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Thursday, May 18, 2006
Adopting or upbringing an orphan

(التبني أو كفل اليتيم)
لقد كتبت عن هذا الأمر في مدونتي الخاصة بالفتاة الحالمة المجهولة قبل عدة أسابيع ، وذكرت أنها أمنية أتمنى أن يوفقني ربي لأحققها . كتبت باللغة الانجليزية و بشكل عام لم احدد فيه نسب أو إحصائيات أو غيره.
مجرد حلم لا ادري متى سوف يتم أو نسبة إمكانية تحقيقه و لكني أحمل الحلم بجدية بداخلي.
و لكني أود أن اعرف كم هي نسبة انتشار الأمر هنا في بلدي...
أقصد تبني أو كفل الأيتام...
الحقيقة أني لم يسبق أن عرفت أو تقابلت مع احد قد كفل أو تبنى يتيم.
لكن حسبما أرى ...بعض الناس يحبون الأمر و لكن لا يقدمون علية بسبب عظم و كبر المسؤولية ...
مثل أبي الذي يحب و يعشق الأطفال و لا يرفض لهم طلب و يدلعهم ... فعندما طرحت الأمر علية في مراهقتي أن يتبنى لنا أخت صغيرة تشاركني الحياة ، نظر إلي بتعجب و اندهاش و ظني مازحة و قال انه لا يتحمل مسؤولية كبيرة كهذا "أنا بالكاد اقدر أراعيكم أنتي و إخوانك ، فكيف بطفلة يتيمة تحتاج رعاية اكبر، وإذا أنا ما اقدر أحقق لكم بعض ما تطلبون فانتم ستقدرون هذا لأنكم أولادي و لكن هي إذا كانت لديها أماني و متطلبات اعجز عنها فستظن أني افعل هذا عن قصد لأنها ليست طفلتي التي من صلبي" ، أنا مع والدي في نظرته و أن الأمر مسؤولية ليست هينة خاصة لمن لدية مستلزمات و ديون ودخل غير ثابت، ولكني أتمنى أن أنفذها مستقبلاً.

نظرة أخرى وجدتها مع السيدات المتزوجات وفي جلسة حريمية أحببت أن أرى و اعرف منها الحكايا ، طرحن قصص نساء كثيرات و لم يلفت نظري إلا قصة السيدة (م) اعرفها معرفة سطحية متزوجة منذ ما يقارب العشرين عام و لم تنجب ، جربت كل العلاجات سافرت للخارج فعلوا المستحيل و لا أمل ، كن يشفقن عليها و على وضعها و وحدتها و حزنها ، فقلت معترضة : لماذا لا تتبنى طفل يتيم؟!!!! ،
نظرت سيدة لي باستنكار و قالت:
"ومن يبغى يربي ولد غيره!!!".
منطق غريب!
ولد غيره ...
بس هو يتيم ، لا محصل لا من هنا و لا من هنا.
فرددت بحدة: ويش فيها لو تربي يتيم ، الله بيفتح عليها رزق كبير و رحمة اكبر ، ثم تذكرت قصة السيدة التي تبنت و كفلت رضيع يتيم
بمجلة ماجد و ذكرتها لهن كدليل على بركة العمل الصالح و فعل الخير. فالسيدة بقيت 20 عام بلا أطفال ولا أمل لها أن تنجب فقررت أن تتبنى و تكفل طفل يتيم، و تواصلت مع مجلة ماجد فشجعوها و فعلتها بنية سليمة صادقة لأجل الله، وما النتيجة ؟
بعد شهور اتصلت بماجد تخبرهم أن الطفل أحضر البركة لمنزلها فهي تنتظر مولودها الأول و هو ذكر، و زاد حبها و رعايتها لطفلها اليتيم!
النساء في الجلسة سكتن متعجبات و قبلن بالأمر، لكن الأمر يبقى متعلق بالسيدة تلك التي لا علاقة تربطني بها ، ولو أن لي علاقة قوية بها لكنت اقترحت لها الأمر و شجعتها.
فهل الأمر فعلا صعب و نادر و غير موجود !
ما السبب ؟
هل عدم قدرة تمكن بعض الأسر من الكفل و الاعتناء بطفل إضافي واحد!
هل لكبر و عظم المسؤولية ؟
لا تزال لدي النية و سأبذل ما عندي لأجل أن أكون على الحمل والمسؤولية عندما يحين الوقت.
فما رأيكم و هل بإمكانكم أن تفعلوها لو كانت عندكم القدرة؟!!
***
* "كفل اليتم" هي مرادف لكلمة "التبني" المعروفة بالعالم...لكن الفرق الوحيد هو أن الطفل المتبنى يظل حاملا لأسمه و اسم عائلته الأصلي و لا يتم تغيره لاسم العائلة المتبنية حفظا لأصل و نسب الطفل.



(Adopting or upbringing an orphan)
I wrote about this issue in my dreamer unknown girl blog few weeks ago, I mentioned that it's a dream for me that I hope I will be able to achieve it in future, I wrote in English only and generally without putting any average or statistics about that.
It is just a dream I don't know when it will happen or is there any good chance to do it in future, but still, big dream in my heart.
But I want to know if it is popular in my country or not?
I mean adopting or upbringing orphans.
To be honest, I never knew or met any one who had adopted an orphan before!
But as I see, many of people like it, but they don't dive into this case because it's big responsibility.
Like my father, who likes babies and kids, take care of them, and spoil them. When I suggested to him to adopt little sister for me in my teenage. he was amazed and wondered and thought I was joking and said "I barely can take care of you and your siblings, so how about bringing little child who could have some wishes and demands that I can't give it to her and she will thought I do that purposely because she is not my biological child. It's great responsibility and I can't do it"
I can understand my father and his point view especially who has lots of requirements and debts and has no stable income.
Another point of view I found with some married women I joined them once to hear what they have…they were talking about stories of women they know and only one took my attention. Lady "M" who has been married for 20 years and has no child of her own… she tried with her husband all treatments that available everywhere…they went aboard seeking for cure but nothing help. The women were feeling sorry for her condition, her loneliness and sorrow. I interrupted them by saying: why she didn't adopt an orphan child?!!!
One woman looked at me with disapproval look and said:
"Who want to raise others' child?!!"
others' child!!!!!!
What that suppose to means!!
So weird!!
That child has no one even his own parents left him by death or abandonment.
I answered her immediately:
why she should not raise a poor orphan child?
God will cover her with blessings and mercies. Then, I remembered a story I found in Majid Magazine about lady contacted them long before and she is sterile and has no hope to have child and she has been married for 20 years and did all thing possible, but nothing worked and she has no hope as they told here everywhere she went.
She asked them that she wants to adopt an orphan baby and she wants their advice, they encourage her to save a child and take him as her baby as Islam orders us to do. Therefore, she did that with good intention and for the sake of Allah.

After a while, she contacted them again to tell them happily that the orphan baby brought a blessing with him… as she is waiting to give birth to her first baby boy and her love to this orphan baby increases more and more!

They women looked at me with wonder and said no more word. I think I gave them good example and convinced them a little bit.
Unfortunately, "M" and I has no relation…I just know her by name and met her 2 years ago. So, I can't contact her to encourage her, but I wish if anyone know her or any family like her family can take this story to encourage them to make good deeds and God will rewarded them sooner or later.
Is it hard…rare…not popular?
Is it because families can't take care of one child beside their children?
Is it because of big and heavy responsibility?
As for me, I still have that intention and I will do it when the good time comes.
Now, can you do it and adopt a child if you have the ability?
***
* Upbringing orphan (Kaffel Al-Yateem) is a synonymous word for the popular word "adoption", but there is one difference between them, that here we keep the original name and surname of the adopting child and we don't change his/her name and surname to the adopted family.

posted by Sama Oman @ 12:08 PM  
54 Comments:
  • At May 18, 2006 2:35 PM, Blogger Arabian Princess said…

    I have a friend who informed me few days back that she adopted a young girl. She has 3 boys and cant have more due to pregnancy complications.

    I love the idea, and I am determined if Allah didnt give me a kid I would adopt one Inshallah .. right now its hard, our society does accept the idea easily..

     
  • At May 19, 2006 3:26 AM, Blogger Qatar Cat said…

    I guess I can't have biological children either. It's just as well that I don't want any, but should I ever decide to have a baby - I won't hesitate to adopt. Actually, even if I could have my own - I would still prefer to adopt. There are so many babies abandoned for one reason or the other, and I see nothing wrong in adopting a baby. It's not an easy thing to do, but at least in our society it is perfectly accepted, which I guess is a good thing.

    :^)

     
  • At May 20, 2006 6:46 AM, Blogger >>Sama Oman said…

    Princess: that's really great!
    I'm happy to know this…
    I have this dream since my school time. And I will adopt a child when I feel I'm really ready psychically, mentally and financially. I don't care about what people like or dislike, when I'm ready I will take my adopted child and no one will dare to say one word.

    QC: it's really great thing to save a child and give him/her what he/she deserves…better life and better future.
    I feel sad and upset because some people here can't go further and beyond the meaning of adopting a child. Islam encourages people to adopt and upbringing an orphan children in better way. Prophet Mohammed said "me and the one who take care of orphan in heaven like this…and show his index finger and middle finger". So how great this deed…gives you a peace of mind, makes you happier, satisfies with your life, and works…especially if you did it for the sake of GOD and with pure intentions.

     
  • At December 16, 2007 4:51 AM, Anonymous Mans said…

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